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Monthly Archives: December 2009

What 2009 taught me

In many ways 2009 was both one of the best and worst year of my life. 2009 was also exceptionally blunt and cruel; it certainly taught me a few things that caused a rather strong impression on my mind.  Here are some of the things I learned over the course of this year:

1.) Decisions are not always good or bad; it has shades of grey. You think what you are doing is the best possible option, but when it doesn’t work out you are left with a ton of regret. “What if” is the catch phrase of every individuals life, but the true test of our will power is getting over the “What if” and living for our decision.

2.) Never Ever trust another woman. Sounds insanely cynical and confusing perhaps, but lets face it, women are mean bitches. We do not play nice; especially if we have to share professional space with others of our kind. Its a whole lot easier working with men at the same level as you, but its a whole new ball game when you are competing with a chic. Cause when push comes to shove, we play dirty.

3.) Making other people happy is exhausting. It gives you some brief satisfaction, but when you’re lying awake at night just trying to fall asleep, you don’t think about all those other people you’ve made happy. You wonder why they’re so happy even though you can’t seem to fall asleep. That’s when you realize that you aren’t nearly as happy as you thought you were.

We are 3 days away from the new year; a new decade, yet there are always regrets. What if I had taken that one decision differently? What if I had said No? Life has an unlimited supply of regrets and sorrows, it takes insane amount of guts to get past all that and find all those smiles out there, just waiting to find a face to stick on to. This year there will be no resolutions, because once the haze of alcohol wears down, people generally forget all their resolutions. Instead 2010 will be all about taking decisions that make me happy. The rest will fall into place.

Happy new year to all.

 
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Posted by on December 27, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

Telemarketers Beware !

This post is completely pointless and may not even be funny, however I just had to get it out of my system. After writing on serious topics for so long, I just felt I had to deviate from the “intense” stereotype. So to all those people who think I can often be serious and preachy, here is a list of 26 ways you can freak out those annoying telemarketers:

1.) Start crying

2.) Ask them if they sell “blue pills”

3.) Start selling something back to them.

4.) Change your accent every 5 seconds

5.) Sound extremely interested in the product and then ask them if you can call them back in 5 years when you have the money

6.) Accuse the person of hitting your dog with his/her car that morning

7.) Press random buttons on your phone while talking and tell the other guy to stop doing it.

8.) Half way through the conversation pretend to have lost your memory

9.) If the person if of the same sex, hit on them. If the person if of the opposite sex then ask for some one of the same sex.

10.) Ask them for advice on where you can get good underwear

11.) Get offended and yell at them for being racist

12.) Start barking, Squawking and Meowing at regular intervals.

13.) Give an elaborate order for a pizza and hang up.

14.) Ask them if they exploit child labour.

15.) Make farting sounds and say “oops” everytime u do.

16.) Talk like a “Mumbaiyya Don”

17.) Psychoanalyze the other person

18.) Explain in proper biological terms the entire male and female anatomy

19.) Discuss the exploits of Big Boss housemates

20.) Ask them if you can rent a credit card for a day

21.) Tell them you died last week but would surely love the credit card anyway

22.) Ask if you could see the menu.

23.) Complain about the telemarketer. Then call again 2 hours later to say you were drunk.

24.) Give the person a long winding chemical formula. Tell him that you may be killed for creating it but you want him to patent it and carry forward his legacy.

25.) Ask him what he knows about magic mushrooms

26.) Tune the TV to a gunshot scene, yell “Arghhhh” really loudly and lapse into complete silence.

P.S : Yes some of these have been tried. And Yes, I am that juvenile.

 
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Posted by on December 17, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

To Many Tomorrows

“Every great city in the world is a schizophrenic” – Victor Hugo

We share, yet we steal.

We care, yet we hurt.

We save, yet we kill.

Living in Mumbai is like living in a jungle. Your every pore is fighting to survive the sharks who want nothing more than to pull you down. Every fiber of your being wants to just run away from here but there is something indescribable, unspeakable that ties you down.  You go away for a while but you come back. The question is, What MUMBAI are you coming back to? The world sees your home as a land of the unfortunate and impoverished, yet you still see the golden bird in the cage, just waiting for a chance to fly.

A beggar once said ” Your Mumbai and our Mumbai is different- ours is full off dead ends and few choices – yours is full of hopes, plans and countless oppurtunities ”

“And the twain shall never meet’

You live in a land where the rich get richer and poor get poorer? What prompts the poor to stay? The minor fact that here they are poor with a meal, where as in their villages they are just poor.

You walk on the street with your eyes closed; do you see the mother who begs for her childs cough medicine? Do you see the father who steals to keep his child in school so he wont have to meet with the same fate? All you see are beggars and thiefs; deserve to be kicked out for tarnishing a beautiful city.

You know you can incite change, but you don’t. Its not your job you say; your job to curse the ones who don’t and stomp the ones who try. You like the way things are, in a limbo; a cursed fate. You deplore corruption, but you indulge in it. How else would you survive? Corruption is to Mumbai what breathing is to humans. Its a cancer that you have accepted and worst of all, adopted.

26/11 – 60 hours of terror and yet we are back on our feet immediately after. Spirit of Mumbai the world says – is it really? You are angry but you forget it in 2 days. Why have you accepted this as a part of your life? The first thought you have every morning is whether you will come home safe, yet you let Kasab get caught up in the chains of Indian bureaucracy. You fight for your every meal, while terrorists get biryani and access to all daily amenities. Is this an attempt to look like a fair nation or just a country that has been bogged down by bigger nations with a trigger?

Easier said than done ? Why even bother to try. Wake up –  not to smell the coffee – smell our fate. Raise a toast to the many tomorrows : filled with dreary choices and a fate that is a land of no return.

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2009 in Uncategorized